Secrets2Success

How to find balance between everyone’s needs

Parenting is nothing short of walking a tightrope, balancing the needs of children, parents, household, work, family and friends. To be a successful and so called good parent instead of neglecting your own needs, they need to be as high on the list of priorities as those of children. No matter how much you are sacrificing for your child if you are unhappy than your efforts are being compromised. Children need happy parents much more than they need a Sony play station or a swimming pool or private schooling.

The following are nine ‘pointers or road signs for walking the parenting tightrope happily and successfully.

1. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PARENTING PARTNERSHIP

This partnership whatever it’s form is the origin of your relationship with your child and it is the foundation of your child’s future. If  you are currently in a good relationship with your partner  Celebrate .  If not make a concerted effort to address it.  Make use of professional help and mediation as early as possible. You will be a good role model for your and you are providing a  happy and healthier place to grow.  This applies to  relationships between separated parents and step parents or boyfriend/girlfriends as well.

2. ACCEPT/DITCH UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF/PARTNER/CHILD

Modern adults put huge pressure on themselves and on their partners to be the people they would like them to be rather than understanding realistically who their partner is and working within that reality. Most often it is unrealistic expectations that are the cause of conflict and unhappiness.

3. RESTORATION OF SELF.

Just as you cannot pour tea from an empty teapot you cannot possibly continue giving of yourself if you are empty. Restoration practice doesn’t have to be huge.  You owe it to your child(ren) to find what you need and take responsibility for that .

4. EXERCISE

In order to have sufficient balance to walk a tightrope one needs to be in reasonable physical condition.  There are many different exercise  options, find one that suits you.  Think about what IS possible rather being stuck on thinking about what you CANNOT do.

5. PRACTICE NEGOTIATING.

Parenting is about relationships, with a partner, a support network, children, employers.  To successfully negotiate the balancing of all the different people and demands PRACTICE SELLING YOUR IDEAS to all and sundry. Get buy into compliance with an idea and be willing to reward it.  Would you go to work if you did not get paid?

6. PAUSE BEFORE YOU AGREE TO ANYTHING!

TAKE TIME to consider your options, before you simply agree to anything. Say “ CAN I GET BACK TO YOU” or “Mom will think about it”.  Check your schedule before taking on another task. Double the time you think a task will take half the contribution you think you can make.

7. INVEST IN MEMORY MAKING

Now and then ditch the responsibilities and have fun. Forget the bed making and go blow bubbles in the garden. Laugh. Mess. Go with a crazy idea.

8. NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY SORRY.

Children  are more forgiving than we give them credit for. By hiding mistakes and not being willing to talk about them children are not being prepared effectively for the real world. Children model themselves on their parents. Children are also helped to decide when to take things personally and when not to.

9. GET REST WHEN YOU NEED IT AND DUMP GUILT – you will be a much more effective parent if you do.

No child has come to harm because there bed wasn’t made or they are having instant soup for supper or they have to play soccer on grass that hasn’t been mowed this week.  Children do not need nearly as much MATERIALLY  as we think they need. Far more than their own bedroom, swimming pool or sony play station they need happy, content parents. If upgrading your house is putting huge stress on your lives then rethink that plan. Work with what you have. If your husband is a good breadwinner but he hates his job and is continually grumpy, what kind of dad do you think  you can expect him to be.?.
by Leila Falletisch : Play Therapist.  Professional counselor. Life coach
B.A.Social work/B.Soc.Sci. Hons/MA Soc.Work.
7 Fairview centre. Corner Caledon and Oudehuis Streets. Somerset West.
021 851-0870.  falletisch@worldonline.co.za