What are your relationships reflecting back to you? 

Jenny Ibbotson explores how our reactions to our relationships tell us more about our own inner world.

Relationships, specially the close ones often seem so difficult. You know the ones with parents, partners, friends, children, and co-workers. But they are in fact a valuable window into the world of our subconscious minds. They’re a gift – and we can reject them and resist them, or we can use them to truly understand ourselves.

So what exactly is the reflection, or more important why are they reflections. When we realise that we really create everything in our lives, every circumstance and event, every conversation, our health and wellbeing, our wealth and way of life, we understand that this difficult relationship is simply a manifestation of our deepest beliefs, our sense of the world. So when it feels as though your parents are really being critical of you, you can be pretty sure that is simply a reflection of how you feel about yourself and how you judge yourself. Or when your boss doesn’t give you the recognition you feel you deserve, it’s almost certain that you do not believe in yourself, or at least not enough.

What I always do is ask myself or the other person – so how does it make you feel? That’s the key. Do you feel unloved, or disrespected, or hurt? And that is what you need to deal with. No one else can make you feel loved, respected or whole, only you can do that. You are after all a spark of the divine and remembering that alone can reassure you that you are all perfection. There are many ways to clear the old beliefs and start again with new ones. Seek them out because the greatest gift you can give yourself and the world is to not judge yourself, or anyone else, including your children, your parents and all the others in your life.

By the way don’t forget to acknowledge the good things as they are also a mirror, a reflection of the greatness inside of you. Someone I counseled recently told me that at her performance review she had received glowing reports about everything she was doing, the company was delighted with her work and she would be receiving an increase and a promotion. At the very end her supervisor told her that there was a small problem that she needed to deal with and discussed it with her. In our conversation her whole focus was on the problem, she couldn’t believe that there was something wrong and it was consuming her. She was devastated and just couldn’t let it go. In this moment she forgot about all the wonderful feedback and encouragement she had received.

So here’s the thing. As you change your inner world, your outer world miraculously changes. As you stop judging yourself, and that means loving yourself, so does everyone else. Focus on the wonder of your life. Give it all the attention you can and I know that miracles will start to happen.

Jenny Ibbotson is the author of  The Obedient Universe which is about creating a life of joy and abundance. You can find out more at www.obedientuniverse.com